First Leg of the Traveling Tour

I apologize that it has been so long since my last blog post. I was gone for almost two weeks traveling, which I will share more about, and when I returned home, I got to visit our local ER and eventually have my gallbladder removed due to a massive gallstone. Fun times! I am thankful that it happened after I returned home, and that the surgery and recovery went smoothly. Here is a (gross) picture of the stone that tried to ruin my month:

The doctor said it was the biggest stone he had ever seen. I like to do things right!

I had an amazing time in Indiana/Ohio on the first leg of my travels for my Crown & Camo Tour. I flew in to Cincinnati on Saturday, October 19th, picked up my rental car, and drove to Indianapolis (Sadly, this day was one of my worst flying/traveling experiences in my life. I will definitely be writing a post on flying/traveling in a wheelchair at a later date). During the week, I stayed with my Mom and stepdad, Charlie. I spoke at their church, Pleasant Heights Baptist Church, on Sunday morning. What an amazing experience! The people were so open and friendly, and I was incredibly honored to be able to share my testimony during the Sunday morning service. Lunch was a blast with family and friends, I was able to meet a great friend later for dessert, and Sunday night we got to watch the Broncos/Colts game Sunday night (I don't want to talk about it...).

I enjoyed shopping/browsing Nashville, Indiana (Brown County) on Monday with Mom and Charlie, where my tire on my wheelchair decided to go flat. Pesky cactus left over from my hunt! Fortunately, it happened after we had finished our shopping, so we hit a bike shop on the way home and had the innertube replaced.

I was scheduled to speak at the Civil Rights Symposium for the Civil Rights Task Force for the US Attorney's Office on Tuesday, but due to the government shut-down, the conference was cancelled right before I left Cody. They will be rescheduling the conference for sometime after the first of the year, so I am hoping that I can make it back to represent the disability aspect of the symposium. I was able to have lunch downtown Indy with some of the ladies on the Task Force, which was great. Plus- I got to go shopping after lunch at Circle Center Mall- bonus! We met friends at Steak 'n' Shake for dinner that night (My 2/3 trips before I left- love that place!).

 Wednesday was a very special day for me. I was invited to return to my high school, Bethesda Christian School, to speak in several chapel services and enjoy an alumni luncheon. I started the morning with the upper elementary chapel, followed by the lower elementary, and finally the junior high/high school group. What a blessing! The kids were all so responsive and asked great questions after I spoke. It was encouraging to see how much everything has grown in the 10+ years since I graduated, and to know that the school continues as an opportunity for children to receive a quality Christian education. The luncheon was amazing as well, and I was able to see many of my former teachers and classmates. It was definitely one of the highlights of my trip.

With some of the young people after the junior high/senior high chapel.

I drove around town for a while to see what had changed since I have been gone, and caught up with some old friends. We went out to dinner that night with my step-brother and his family. I haven't eaten out so much in my entire life- but it was good!

On Thursday, Mom and I were able to meet some friends for lunch and do some more shopping (also a theme for the week). I needed a formal outfit for an event on Saturday, and we had so much fun trying on dresses! I miss shopping with my Mom!

We met two of the ladies from the CareStar Indy office for lunch on Friday. CareStar is a care management service provider based out of Ohio. They are an amazing company, and a major sponsor of the Ms. Wheelchair USA pageant. The organization generously flew me in for my visit, and it was wonderful getting to know their staff. On Saturday I drove back to Cincinnati to speak at their 25th Anniversary Gala. I was a beautiful event, and I can't say enough great things about CareStar, the people that work there, and the amazing things they do for people with disabilities.

Not too great at taking selfies- but had fun getting dressed up!

On Sunday, I drove up to Stow, Ohio, and dropped off my rental car. Lowery Lockard (Director of the Dane Foundation/Director of the pageant) and her son picked me up and took me to The Staybridge Suites. This is the same hotel where the pageant was held in July. Gorgeous, accessible accommodations and the staff is so friendly and helpful! I had such a great time catching up with the ladies who would be competing for Ms. Wheelchair Ohio the following weekend, as well as their families and some of the pageant volunteers.

On Monday morning, Lowery and I headed for City Hall to meet with Stow Mayor Sara Drew and two other city officials about the SOAR park (more on this at a later date). After visiting this boundless park during the week of the pageant, I knew that I wanted to work on a similar project back home in Cody. Everyone was gracious enough to share their knowledge and experience of building the wonderful park there in Stow so that I could take the information back home to Wyoming. I am so looking forward to seeing this dream become a reality for the children and families in Cody!

After lunch we drove to Redeemer Christian School in Cuyahoga Falls so that I could speak to the kids. Another great group with awesome, honest questions! I love speaking to kids about my story, as well as how to interact with people with disabilities. We can all learn something from the honest innocence of children!

I was able to meet with some of the staff of The Dane Foundation, the non-profit that presents the Ms. Wheelchair USA pageant every year, for lunch on Tuesday before flying home that evening. Such an amazing trip, but I was also so excited to get home to Russ & Addison! I won't be traveling again until after the first of the year, so I will keep everyone posted on my plans. More updates to come!

The Hunt of a Lifetime- Extreme Wheelchair Hunting

Since I was introduced to hunting in 2009, I have always envied Russ' stories of being up in the mountains listening to the elk bugling, stalking the bulls, and strategizing to make that perfect shot. While I was very thankful for the opportunity to hunt in a blind in a "wheelchair accessible" area, and I had greatly enjoyed it in my archery hunts in the past, I dreamed of the full-fledged, all-terrain hunting experience.

When I drew my first bull tag this spring, I soon realized that my crossbow would not give me the yardage I would need to make an accurate shot on a bull elk in the area where I would be hunting. Once I knew I would have to shoot a rifle, the panic set in.

My first experience shooting a rifle was when Russ and I were dating in 2005. He told me he couldn't marry me until he knew I could shoot, so off to the range we went. When Russ set me up on the shooting bench and handed me his .30-06 rifle, I didn't know enough to realize I was in for quite a punch from the recoil. After taking the first shot, I knew my shoulder stung, but I was cocky after making a decent mark on the target and didn't hold it tightly for my next shot. Needless to say, shot #2 nearly knocked me off of the bench and bruised my shoulder badly. If you add my poor balance from my spinal cord injury and my daily dose of clot-preventing blood thinner, I quickly realized that shooting a rifle was not only a bad idea, but also a dangerous one.

Fast forward to 2013, and you can start to understand why I was nervous about my impending elk hunt. Fortunately, one of our Wyoming Disabled Hunters board members, Myles Haines, had struck up a friendship with a local Cody company, The Best of the West. BOTW is known for their long range rifle system with Huskemaw scopes, which can be seen in action on their hunting shows on the Outdoor Channel. They heard about my dilemma and asked that I come in to the shop to talk about a possible solution to my rifle problem, as well as the possibility of filming my hunt for their show.

When I went in to meet everyone, I was quickly put at ease by their kindness, confidence, and knowledge of their product. The rifle systems they produce are built with muzzle breaks, which minimize the recoil until it is virtually non-existent. You can actually spot your own shot through the scope because there is no movement after your shot. I was able to handle one of the rifles and see how the scope worked. I was told, with practice, I would be able to shoot at long range accurately and with minimal recoil. Sounds too good to be true, right?

Getting comfortable with the rifle at The Best of the West.

 I left the shop that day skeptical but slightly optimistic. We made plans to go to the local shooting range to try out the rifle, and Russ arranged to use his lunch break to go as well. We met back at the shop so that he could be introduced to the staff and crew, and we headed out to the range with Latt, a pro staffer, and Nate and Matt from the camera team. I was nervous and excited at the same time.

I was used to hearing people talk about making shots at 300 yards and under, so when they said they would start me at a target at 550 yards, I laughed a little. Surely I was about to make a fool of myself. What would make me cry first- the pain of the recoil or the humiliation of missing the target? So I put on my ear protection, got comfortable at the shooting bench, and listened to Latt as he instructed me on the rifle and scope. Once I was ready, I took a deep breath, released it slowly, and squeezed off my first shot.

I felt nothing- absolutely nothing. Addison hugs me harder than that rifle kicked. I was shocked. And I had only missed the target by about four inches. Latt showed me how to adjust the scope for the slight wind/snow we were experiencing, and the next shot was a bull's eye. At 550 yards. With no recoil. A fluke, right? We spend the next two hours having the time of our lives shooting at long range targets with different rifles, including Latt's 7 mm Mag. By the end of the morning, I was hitting within four inches of the target at 1120 yards (for those of you that don't shoot- that's really far- visualize 11 football fields...). And Russ got in on the action as well. We both left the range that day as believers in the BOTW rifle system. I had just shot for two hours and my shoulder didn't feel any different than when I had started. I was ready for my hunt.

I had been fortunate enough to draw my bull elk tag in Area 45, and our organization had been working with John & Carolyn Alm with Paint Rock Canyon Enterprises on the Hyatt Ranch. The Alms founded Camp Paintrock, which allows 72 “underprivileged, at-risk, but high-potential” ninth graders from the Los Angeles inner city area to spend five weeks during the summer at the ranch. They are amazing, incredibly generous people, and WDH is very grateful to bring our hunters, including many Wounded Warriors, to Hyattville to hunt. The ranch staff have built several accessible hunting blinds on the ranch, and the housing accommodations are also accessible.

Russ and I, along with Latt and Nate, arrived at the ranch on Wednesday night. We came in after dark, so we didn't get a good look at the place until the next day. We settled in for a quick night's sleep before leaving the next morning under cover of darkness. We met Terry Jeffers, who is a contract employee for the ranch, and would be our guide for my hunt. Terry has been involved with the ranch for over 14 years, and he knows the land like the back of his hand. He also knows the elk herds that live on the ranch and can predict their movements- at least as well as you can predict the movements of wild animals!

We set up in the first blind Thursday morning. There were several elk trails leading down to a creek, so we hoped to see some action. The blind was large- 8'x 12'- so we had adequate room for the five of us and the portable shooting table. We waited for a few hours, but never saw a thing. Terry mentioned that some cows had been moved down off of the mountain a few days before, and that it may have upset the elk herds. I mentioned to him that I was comfortable being outside the blind, and that I was willing and able to be anywhere on the ranch that he thought we could get to. Terry's response- "That changes everything." When I told him I was also comfortable taking a shot anywhere between 500-800 yards, he said, "That really changes everything." And so my extreme wheelchair hunting experience began.

We headed back to the ranch house to have lunch and restock with plans to be picked up by Terry around 4:00 p.m. We spent the afternoon drooling over a massive bull elk on the side of a hill across from the ranch house. Russ had spotted him through his binoculars, but he was in the ranch's safety zone, where we can't hunt. Smart elk! This just got us even more excited to head out, and when Terry arrived, we were ready to go.

We headed out on a different trail this time, out in to the heart of the ranch. We drove for a while and then Terry stopped the truck, and the guys bailed out to do some spotting. After seeing a small herd, we loaded back up and headed to where we could get into a better location. We all unloaded this time, and Terry tied a tow rope to the front of my chair. With Russ pushing and Terry pulling, we started off cross country. Nate started filming and Latt hauled all of our gear. I held on for dear life and tried not to look too crazy with the huge grin splitting my face. This is what I had always wanted, but had never dreamt possible.

Once we got close to our location, I got out of my chair and onto the ground. We wanted to be out on a rock ledge looking down on the elk, but once we left the cover of the juniper trees, we would be exposed. Latt crawled forward to get the rifle set up, and I followed him, pulling myself with my elbows while Russ pushed my feet. We got out on the ledge and starting getting comfortable. I had never shot lying prone on the ground, only from the shooting table, so this was a new position for me. The guys started spotting, and before long, they found a bull elk with a few cows. I got him in my scope and realized that although he was a decent 5x5, he had broken off his two front tines on one side. I felt comfortable letting him go, especially since he was the first bull we had seen. He hung out for a few more minutes, and then he and the cows ran up over the ridge and disappeared. We heard other bulls bugling, but never saw anything within range. It was starting to get dark, so Terry left to go and get the truck. We stretched out on the rock ledge for a while and just enjoyed listening to the bugling. There were several bulls blowing by this time- we think they might have caught our scent and were making their displeasure known. It was such an amazing moment; this was what Russ had told me about, and I was actually experiencing it for myself. I could have ended everything right there and been happy, but fortunately, my hunt was only just beginning.

We headed back home for dinner. Now that Terry knew that I had been serious about being hauled around, he had plenty of ideas for the next morning. I was a little sore, but it was so worth it. I fell sleep that night with a feeling of pure contentment. We headed out the next morning in John Alm's Toyota Land Cruiser, which quickly lived up to its legendary off-road reputation. Over the next few hours, we repeated a cycle of events. We would stop at a location, unload, and start off towing me in the chair. When we would get close to the elk, Russ and Terry would either drag me or carry me between them. Once we were within view of the herd, I would scoot or army crawl to where Latt would have the rifle set up and see if I could get the right angle for a shot. I learned several things very quickly:

• Elk are very unpredictable creatures
• Shooting prone on the ground is much different that shooting from my chair at a table
• When there are large bull elk involved, grown men start talking in very high-pitched voices

To be honest, after doing this multiple times, and never feeling comfortable enough to take a shot, I was getting frustrated. My legs were not cooperating, and I couldn't hold my shooting position for very long without my muscles spasming.  I was determined to only take a shot if I was completely sure of myself, but I saw that possibility slowly slipping away. This was the hunting experience I had always wanted, but what if my body just couldn't do what I needed it to do? I felt so bad about all of the work my hunting team had put into making this work for me- I knew I had to keep trying. I was getting sore, and I was pretty sure I had separated something between my shoulder blades. Add that to the cactus I had crawled through and I could have called it a day without feeling completely ashamed, but I really wanted that bull elk.

Terry had one more spot that he thought might be a place where some of the elk might be. We headed that way in the Land Cruiser and unloaded. This time, Russ decided that carrying me piggy back might be our best option to cover the most ground. I don't think he realized how far we would have to go. Latt, Nate, and Terry went ahead of us to get everything set up and see if they could find the herd. Russ loaded me on his back and we started after the guys. We quickly realized just how far he would have to carry me. It's hard to explain to people what it's like to tote dead weight- especially when the person is over six feet tall. And let's be honest- I don't think anyone is worried about me being anorexic. Luckily, I married a very burly man, and we made it a lot farther than I thought we would before my arms gave out. At that point, Russ lowered me to the ground and he and Terry drug/carried me closer to the ledge. The guys had spotted several bull elk running around in the juniper trees below, I scooted/crawled the remainder of the way in order to stay out of view, and after resting for a few moments, got set up with the rifle.

Below me, multiple bulls were moving in and out of the trees. They were fighting, chasing the cows, and generally making complete fools of their male selves. What woman in her right mind wouldn't take a shot at that? For once, my body cooperated and after several attempts, I was able to settle in to a comfortable position. Unfortunately, the bulls were moving all around and in and out of the trees. I would follow one in my scope only to lose him again, and I was starting to get confused about which bull I had been following. To further complicate things, I had several pairs of eyes spotting bulls from their own, separate locations, and each was frantically whispering that a bigger one was to the left, or a real beast was to the right. It was hunting at its finest.

I finally focused in on a nice 6x6 with great symmetry. He might not have been the biggest bull down there, but he was a beautiful elk and he was staying out in the open. Latt verified my yardage, and I sighted in on him. I tightened my grip on the rifle, took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. The bull stopped broad side, and I pulled the trigger. I watched through the scope as he went down. I started to chamber another round if needed, but he died quickly, which I am always thankful for. 545 yards with no recoil- I was beyond thrilled.

And then the celebration began. Everyone had invested so much to make this hunt possible for me. There were some tears, a lot of laughing, and smiles all around. The relief was palpable- I didn't realize just how much I had wanted it to be a successful hunt until that moment. I felt like I had been wrung out like a dish cloth, but it was so worth it. It had been the perfect combination of the right terrain, the amazing rifle system, and my awesome hunting team. We headed down to the elk for pictures and video, and then my four burly guys somehow managed to load the 800+ pound bull into the back of the Land Cruiser. It was the most redneck thing I have ever seen. Terry in the driver seat, Russ in the passenger seat holding my wheelchair frame, Latt, Nate and I in the back seat holding the rifle, my wheelchair cushion, and the camera, with a bull elk in the trunk, head hanging out over the tailgate with his rack tied up on the roof. It was amazing. We headed back to the ranch house in great spirits., thankful for the successful harvest and the bountiful meat it would provide.

Russ, Me, and Latt

Nate, Terry, Me, and Latt

Words cannot express how thankful I am for everyone involved in this hunt. To John and Carolyn Alm, for being so generous with their land and vehicle. To Terry, for hauling me all over the mountain and being willing to share his knowledge of the land and the elk. To Latt, for allowing me to use his amazing rifle, teaching me how to shoot it effectively, and coaching me through the entire process. To Nate, for following us on our insanely wonderful hunt and getting some amazing footage and proof of all of the craziness. And to my amazing husband, Russ, for being my best friend and partner in crime through all of our adventures together. He never doubted that I could do this, and it was his confidence in my ability that pushed me to finish when I wanted to give up. He would haul me to the ends of the earth without complaining, and I couldn't ask for a better man.

I never dreamed that a hunting experience like this would be possible for someone in a wheelchair. I am exhausted, incredibly sore, bruised, and scraped, and I will be picking cactus out of my body for a while, but it is such a sweet pain. I haven't worked that hard for something in my entire life, and it was all worth it. It just goes to show you that with the right support team, awesome adaptive equipment, a little creativity, and a lot of man power, you can do the seemingly impossible. I am officially ruined for life on any other type of hunting. Once you have experienced Extreme Wheelchair Hunting, you can't ever go back. It was definitely the hunt of a lifetime.

For more information on hunting with Wyoming Disabled Hunters, visit our website at www.wyomingdisabledhunters.org, or call Corey McGregor at 307-899-0790.

To learn about The Best of the West long range rifle system and Huskemaw scopes, visit www.thebestofthewest.net. The footage from my hunt will appear on the Outdoor Channel sometime next year. I will post more information as it becomes available.

If you know an eligible child in the LA area, please visit www.hyattranch.com for more information on Camp Paintrock.

TEDx Central Wyoming College

I had the most amazing experience speaking at the TEDx event at Central Wyoming College in Riverton this past Wednesday. I had heard about TED Talks briefly before, but didn't really know a lot about them until I was approached about this opportunity. If you would like to know more about the organization, you can visit their website here.

I drove down to Riverton Tuesday night and checked in to my hotel. Dress rehearsal began at 10:00 Wednesday morning. When I arrived, I got to meet the awesome staff that I had been emailing and conference calling in the weeks prior to the event, as well as the other speakers. We ran through our speeches while working on timing, lighting, and other aspects of a stage production. After lunch I went to the public library (my all-time favorite place to hang out when I'm away from home), put my feet up in a comfy chair, and read for a few hours before we had to be back to get ready for the evening.

The night in Riverton was an independent ("x") event hosted by the CWC Workforce Development & Training office, and the theme was "Innovation: Bringing Ideas to Life." Ted Talks are different than other speaking events; they encourage an informal setting, with speakers addressing the audience like they were talking to a group of friends. Presenters come up on to the stage from seats in the audience, and they are encouraged to mingle and visit with attendees before the event, during intermission, and after the event. There were several speakers, and I will give you a brief bio on each, as well as a summary their topic.

The first speakers were a trio of young men who are currently making a film, Far From Home, based on the life of their friend, Brolin Mawejje, who came to the US from Uganda when he was 12 years old. Brolin faced incredible odds and is now working towards a doctorate in Neuro-Oncology at Westminster College. Additionally, he is also training to represent Uganda in the 2018 Winter Olympics in snowboarding; he will be the first person from his home country to participate in this event.

Galen Knowles, Director, Philip Hessler, Producer, and Adam Schellenberg, Producer, were amazing speakers- and they are so professional for being so young (Although Adam thinks I am old enough to have a 18-year old daughter. Adam, if you are reading this, I am still seriously considering putting tire tracks up your back :) ). Their presentation of this film, as well as Brolin's story, made me definitely want to follow their progress and see and support this documentary when it premiers next year. 

The next speaker, Maxwell Wessel, is a genius. After reading his bio, I had two thoughts. The first was that I was way out of my league speaking at an event with this guy. My second thought was that no one that intelligent would be able to hold my attention for long because everything he said would be way over my head. Thankfully, my second thought was wrong. (The verdict is still out on my first thought. I haven't seen the full playback of my speech yet...)

Maxwell spoke on innovation and failure, and why the creation of new, brilliant ideas are often not repeated. He used understandable examples and gave us all great tips on how to be fresh and innovative while pursuing our ideas. Very informative and held my attention- I felt smarter just being in his presence. Osmosis? Fingers crossed...

The final speaker before intermission was one of my personal favorites, Anne Even. I loved Anne for many reasons, but mostly because she was the only other female speaker, because she is a Mom of twins, and because she is a Tough Mudder. If you don't know anything about these events, you have got to check out their website. She's amazing.

Anne talked about labels and forcing yourself outside of your comfort zone. She was always labeled as a "non-athlete," a title she has completely obliterated. Anne was real and open and honest, and she was the only speaker that made me cry, which is a big deal for me. She was inspiring that night because she was completely outside of her own comfort zone speaking at the event, and it really made me take a look at my own life and challenged me to push the boundaries on my comfort levels. I may just have to look in to this Tough Mudder thing...

After intermission, I spoke. I usually don't get nervous when I speak, but something about this event had my stomach in knots. I don't know if it was the other amazing speakers, the time limit, or the cameras, but I was a hot mess while I waited in the wings with my student ambassador, Amber (who was an amazing assistant all night!). But something happened when I was introduced and got out on stage. I think it was a mix of peace that only could have come from the Lord (thank you to my friends and family who were praying for me!), the incredibly receptive, amazing audience, and the knowledge that the sooner I got out there the sooner I would be out of the spotlight! Either way, I felt good about how it went, and once the video is available, I will post the link for those who want to watch it.

Jason Kintzler was up next. Jason is the Founder and CEO of PitchEngine, a website that gets ideas out to the world. This platform completely transformed how PR departments share information. The best part is that Jason's company was founded and remains right here in Wyoming. How great is that?

Jason spoke about attainable innovation, and how we all have the ability within ourselves to make a difference in the world. He also talked about community and shared stories about the impact we can make when we have the vision and courage to push boundaries and innovate.

The final speaker of the evening was John Kanengieter. John has many years of experience training on leadership and team work- he has even worked with the astronauts at NASA! He is one of those guys that just exudes calmness- I wish he had spoken right before me!

John talked to us about taking risks with our minds, our hearts, and ourselves through showing kindness to others.  Only through taking a risk can we innovate and grow. By living our lives without a safety net, we can experience true relationships with those around us. He continually asked the question, "When is the last time you took a real risk?" It was very thought-provoking and a great way to end the evening.

I can't forget the MC for the night, Chris Jones. Chris is a meteorologist with the National Weather Service in Riverton, and he was perfect for the job of host for the event. He was funny, he put the speakers at ease, and he had a great rapport with the audience. We all loved Chris!

After the event was over, we were given a final opportunity to talk to people in the lobby. I was able to speak with a 12-year old girl who had come to the event after her Dad read about it in the paper. She was excited to learn about coming up to Cody next year to hunt with Wyoming Disabled Hunters. We are going to have a lot of female representation in the 2014 hunt!

I am so grateful and humbled to have been a part of this extraordinary event. It is definitely something I will never forget. As I mentioned before, as soon as the video becomes available, I will share the link with everyone.

Speakers at the TEDx CentralWyomingCollege event gathered for a group photo afterwards. (Ernie Over photo) http://county10.com/2013/10/03/tedx-cwc-keyed-innovation-risk-change-adaptation-support-problem-solving/

I am leaving next week for my bull elk hunt. I will hopefully have something exciting to blog about when I return!

Being A Wheeling Wife (Part 3)

Please welcome my first guest to my blog- my husband, Russ. I thought it was only fair to let him add his side to my last post, specifically on the real truths about girls that all guys should know. So here we go...

• Girls don't understand that guys are a lot different from them

We don't hold on to things. We forget things pretty much right away. We are very basic, simple creatures- girls just complicate everything. And they never forget. Ever. Girls have laser eyes. If you do something bad, they can zap you with their eyes.

• Don't get in to an argument, because you will lose

 Guys don't stand a chance in an argument against a girl. It's best to just say "I'm sorry, I love you, and you are beautiful" at the beginning of the argument and save yourself some time.

• Any time you confront them with something, they will always have something on you

This goes back to the "girls don't forget anything" comment from above. Just when you think you have got something on them, they remind you that you did the same thing seven months ago. They remember every little thing you have ever done throughout your relationship. It's scary.

• Girls get upset more easily over the little things

Girls can get their feelings hurt really easily. They can say something to you, and you could care less. If you say the same thing to them, it's the end of the world.  For instance, Ashlee got her hair done this week, and I didn't say anything right away, and she didn't like that. But I was watching this college football game and there was an awesome play and she wasn't paying attention and missed it. I got over it.

• Girls poop too

Girls can talk all they want about how gross boys are, but girls can be gross too. I didn't think that girls pooped until I was like twelve years old. Now I know better. Girls may be more private about their gross stuff, but it still happens.

• A girl can do something and it's fine, but if you do it, you're dead meat

Ashlee drove her car through our garage a few months ago. I mean she actually drove her car through the back wall of the garage.  I had to act like it wasn't a big deal and that I was just glad she was okay. I couldn't even get mad at her, or I was the bad guy. If I had driven my truck through the garage wall, I wouldn't be writing this blog post right now.

• It doesn't matter how you say something, they will always take it the wrong way

 This happens all the time, but I can't seem to remember an example. But it happens all the time.

• Even with all of the dumb things we do, girls are loyal and they stick with us

Girls are good forgivers, which is a good thing, because we do lots of dumb things. Girls have good hearts, and they put a lot of thought and effort into loving us. They work hard to keep our lives running smoothly. They make sure we have enough socks and underwear. They pretty much hold things together. They can be a lot of work, but we would be a mess without them. Girls are worth it.



Well, there you have it folks. A guy's guide to girls. Hope you enjoyed hearing the other side from a man's perspective- I know I did. And now I have to use my laser eyes on Russ for telling that garage story...

Being a Wheeling Wife (Part 2)

I asked Russ to go down to the basement for me to find some pictures for an upcoming presentation. He came back up with the pictures and something else. When we were married, we asked our guests to fill out a set of questions about how they knew us, their favorite memories, their funniest memories, and words of wisdom. Russ had found the stack of papers, and we had a lot of fun reading through them.

We saw the expected responses in the advice section. Here were the top answers:

• Keep God first in your relationship
• Never go to bed angry
• Always say "I'm sorry"

Obviously, these statements are incredibly true, helpful, and biblical. They are the building blocks of any healthy relationship. But the more I looked through the pages, the more I realized that people aren't comfortable talking about the tough stuff, at least not at a wedding reception in such a public way. So I started thinking about some of the things that I have learned over the last seven years, that I wish someone had told me. Fortunately, I have a Mom who is easy to talk to and prepared me very well for being married, but there are some things that just have to be learned the hard way I suppose. Unless you read this post and believe the truths I am about to share with you. Disabled and able-bodied single women- write this stuff down...

• Boys are gross

When Russ and I were dating, I thought he was the most thoughtful, well-mannered, clean man I had ever known. The first time I did his laundry after the wedding, my girlish notions died a quick, painful death.  Boys are hairy, smelly, and the cooties our Mothers warned us about do not fade with age. Be prepared to clean out bathroom sinks crusted with old toothpaste, nose hair trimmings, and the occassional dried loogey. And don't even get me started on what they do to toilets. Your Prince Charming will one day come to you with a bottle of Gold Bond Medicated Powder and ask you to apply it to a chafed area only doctors should visit. Be forewarned- they are gorgeous and we love them- but boys are gross.

• Boys don't listen

This was a hard one for me, because until I figured it out, I took it personally.  I thought Russ didn't listen to me because he didn't care about what I was saying. As if my thoughts, plans, and suggestions weren't worth listening to. I would get mad and lash out when he didn't remember something I had discussed with him, or worse, if he totally forgot plans I had made. Now I understand that God made boys this way to teach women patience to prepare us for raising children. They need constant reminders passed along in a loving, gracious manner. And they need lots of them. Programmed into their phones. With reminders every fifteen minutes until the event. And lists. Lots of lists. This should really be in our wedding vows.

• Sometimes, in order to get enough sleep to function, you are going to go to bed a little angry

I am a communicator. I like to talk things out until a consensus is reached, and by consensus, I mean that Russ now realizes the error of his ways and has come over to the side of My Truth.  Just kidding. Kind of. One thing I have learned, however, is that bed time is not always the best time to start an argument/discussion/debate over an important topic. When Russ is tired, he will agree to anything in order to be allowed to sleep. That doesn't mean I "win," it just means that his sleep is more important than talking out an issue that usually means more to me than him anyway.

So it plays out like this. We discuss. He tells me what he thinks I want to hear in order to sleep. He falls asleep. I sit up in bed for another hour rehashing the conversation and getting more angry by the minute. I seriously consider waking him up to continue the conversation that has been going on in my head for the past hour. I refrain. I get myself worked up for another hour before falling in to a fitful sleep. He wakes up the next morning having totally forgotten that we even spoke the night before, let alone what the main topic of the conversation was. He rolls over to kiss me good morning and quickly sees by my face that not only have I not forgotten about our little fight, but I've been up half the night struggling with it, and no, everything is not "all right."

Please tell me I'm not the only woman that does this...

Bottom line- men are much better forgivers and forgetters than women. And being a good communicator does not mean you "win" every conversation. And although some topics are worth staying up late to hash out until you reach reconciliation, sometimes, you just have to go to sleep a little angry and reconvene the discussion the next day.

• Boys change after the honeymoon

This is something that we MUST explain to recently engaged couples. It would save a lot of heartache in those first few months if it was better understood.

Russ and I dated long-distance throughout our entire relationship. Which meant that every time we were together, it was for a short 1-2 week period before we would be apart for weeks on end. This meant that our time together was incredibly precious and every day was the best date ever all day long.

So after we got married, I assumed this romantic, snuggly, worship the ground I wheel on environment would continue. Wrong. Marriage is hard work- every day. When you take two, independent lives and smush them together, it's going to rock the boat a little. From schedules, to preferences, to simple, seemingly routine habits, combining two into one is sometimes a beautiful disaster. And oftentimes, it doesn't look anything like the relationship you had while you were dating.

Take the snuggling, for example. Russ was so affectionate with me while we were dating and engaged. And while this continued for a short while after we were married, it was like I eventually contracted the bubonic plague and nobody had thought to let me know.  We started in a full bed, which I loved, because you snuggled in order to not fall off of the  bed. But once we moved to a king, it was like we were living in different time zones. Once, Russ actually told me to roll over the other way away from him because I was "breathing his air." Seriously? I quickly realized that the romantic, affectionate boy I dated was not the man I married. He wasn't being deceitful- he was just caught up in the starry-eyed wonder of it all, and was putting his best foot forward in order to impress and win the girl. Once he had me, he didn't feel the need to impress me every second of every day. AND THAT'S OKAY. Because you know what? I'm his best friend, and he can be completely himself with me. And I know that when he does snuggle and buy me flowers and write me a sweet card, it is outside of his comfort zone, and it means so much more.

On the flip side, you should be warned that this comfort level will also bring out their, shall I say, locker room behavior, complete with sounds and odors no woman should ever have to endure. You want them to be comfortable with you. But save yourself some trouble and put some "comfort level" boundaries in place early on...

• Sex is not a four-letter word 

Here's a good one. As I mentioned before, my Mom is one of my best friends, and I know I can talk to her about anything. So before my wedding, we had several discussions about what to expect on that first night together, and in the weeks and months to come. I am surprised and saddened to learn that this is not a common occurrence, especially in Christian households. It's almost like we have gone so far the other way from those who take sex lightly, that it has become a taboo topic.

I am in no way saying that every little detail has to be explained, and I'm not advocating parents sitting down with their soon-to-be-married children and sketching out stick figures, but you can talk about the act of sex in a beautiful, respectful way and take away a lot of the fear and anxiety of the unknown without spilling all the beans. A little mystery and intrigue is a good thing, and I'm a firm believer of remaining a virgin until you are married, but there are so many young couples who spend the first few months of their marriage in stoic silence enduring something that was always meant to be thoroughly enjoyed between a husband and his wife. 

Now, I know that sex can be an awkward conversation topic at times between a parent and child, so if you don't have the type of relationship with your parents that allows you to do this, find someone married who you love and respect, and talk to them. Seek out someone that will answer your questions and alleviate your anxiety. But you know what the best advice is that I would give a newly-married couple? Communicate with each other like your life depends on it, because your sex life does. Your spouse loves you, and wants to make you happy, so make it easier on both of you and be open to talking about anything and everything. I'm trying to be careful and remain age-appropriate with this blog post, so I won't go into any further detail, but just remember that open and honest communication, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable at first, can make all the difference in the world.

• He needs your RESPECT 

I saved this one for last because I think it is one of the most important, and sadly, missing pieces of advice that is shared with young brides. In a world of feminism, civil rights, and equality, the last thing anyone wants to hear is the word "submissive." "Honor and obey" are being left out of wedding vows and women are feeling empowered to run roughshod over their husbands in a battle to run their homes and relationships as they see fit.  I always knew I would struggle with this. I am a stubborn, independent, strong willed woman, and with the struggles I have faced in my life, these character traits have served me well. Until I got married.

Russ and I did a Bible study a few years ago dealing with the topics of love and respect. One of the questions it asked in the beginning was, "If you were stranded on a desert island, and you could only have one thing for the rest of your life, would it be love or respect?" An overwhelming amount of wives answered, "love," and the same majority of husbands stated, "respect." Both sides were flabbergasted by the others response. But it was just another reminder of God's perfect plan in creating two beings who are perfectly suited to meet each others needs because of their differences.

It has taken me several years, and I am still learning how to better myself in this area, but I have discovered how much my husband needs my respect and encouragement. If you've read anything about love languages, you know that we usually give people what we think they need, which ends up being what we need. So, as a woman, if I want to be loved, I try to show my husband how much I love him. I do his laundry, prepare his favorite meals, leave him cute little notes. Does he appreciate these things? Absolutely. But do they make him feel fulfilled and successful as a husband? That's a negative. You see, these are sweet, romantic gestures that I am craving, but they are not what Russ needs. He needs for me to be his biggest cheerleader. To support his leadership. To always have his back, be his confidant, and respect his position in our relationship. Because being a husband is tough. Russ will have a lot to answer for as the leader of our home when he one day stands before the Lord, and although I think I want this position at times, I know that it was never intended for me to fill that role, or attempt to take that responsibility.

If I had known how much harm could be done with a sharp word, a silent glare, or a few moments of sulking, I would have cut out my tongue and plucked out my eyes years ago. We see our husbands as these tough, invincible men. But I wonder how many wives today would be found guilty in a court of law for verbal abuse towards their husbands? I cringe when I hear women degrading their husbands in public, but is it any better if we do it in the privacy of our own homes?

I've heard women ask, "How can I respect a man who hasn't earned my respect?" But beware, because the flip side of that could be asked, "How can I love my wife when she hasn't earned my love?" Put into that perspective, in my mind, drives home the reasons why God commands men to love their wives and women to respect their husbands. He never has to tell women to love their husbands, because that is our natural inclination. Oppositely, God never commands husbands to respect their wives.  We do what comes easily for us. It's the unnatural responses that require the greater effort. (And He never inserts the phrase, "Only when they deserve it," or we'd all be in trouble...)

We must share with young women the importance of respecting their husbands. And you know what? When we do, all of those nice, romantic gestures we were so desperately seeking will suddenly pour out of a husband who feels secure and encouraged by a wife who respects him and his authority and position in their marriage.

As always, I am in no way writing this as if I have mastered any of it. I fail daily, and it's only by the forgiveness, love, and patience of a God and a husband who love me unconditionally that I am given so many undeserved second chances. I have attempted to be transparent without seeming like a total shrew, but this topic requires complete honesty if it is to be of any real help to others attempting to manage this crazy thing called love. Please feel free to leave your comments, your own struggles, and pieces of honest advice you wish you had known early on in your relationship.

And if you are reading this post, and none of the above statements are in any way descriptive of your husband and/or your marriage, then feel free to keep your comments to yourself, because no one wants to hear about your blissful perfection without wanting to punch you in the face. That is all.   :o)

Obviously, these points are directed towards able-bodied and disabled people alike, but next week, I will focus on topics directly related to relationships involving a disability and how that effects the  grand scheme of things.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go and put all of my words into better practice...

Being a Wheeling Wife (Part 1)

Since I spent the last three posts talking about Addison, I thought I should write at least one about the other favorite person in my life.

I was always boy crazy. And I'm still a hopeless romantic. I adore great love stories, I'm a wedding fanatic, and if the television show has anything to do with getting engaged, picking out your wedding dress, and/or planning the wedding, then I am sold. I had several boyfriends in junior high and high school, and I was madly in love with each one, just sure he was "the one," until he wasn't and the next boy was!

And then my accident happened, and I just knew that any chance at romance had just been violently swept off the table. What guy in their right mind would want to marry a girl in a wheelchair when he could marry someone who was able-bodied? I would be the single lady with lots of cats that lived alone and secretly envied all of her married friends.

So when I returned to high school after my hospitalization, and as I moved on to college, I was hyper-sensitive to male attention. If a guy looked at me twice, in my mind, we were headed to the altar. If I didn't get my hooks in the first one that showed even the slightest bit of interest, who knew if I would get another chance? This attitude of low self esteem and being perfectly happy to settle seems to resonate with lots of single girls in our society today, and not just those with a disability. I don't know the actual statistics, but I wonder how many unhappy marriages are out there today because women don't see their worth in Christ and choose to settle for second-best, or worse?

I wasted a lot of time, energy, and feelings with guys I had no business dating, let alone actually considering for a permanent relationship. I was headed towards being one of those statistics when I had an epiphany. If I truly believed that God wanted good things for my life, I had two options. I could be patient, and wait on His timing. Or I could accept that maybe He had a ministry for me as a single woman, whether it was for a time, or for the remainder of my life, and that He had promised to always be enough for me. If this was the case, I begged the Lord to take the desire for marriage and love out of my heart so that I could better serve Him. Either way, I certainly wasn't being of much use in my current state, that's for sure! I felt such peace at this admission, and I finally and unreservedly turned my social life over to the Lord.

I ran in to Russ two weeks later.

Does God have a sense of humor, or what? I honestly believe He was simply waiting for me to surrender the control of my love life, so that He could show me this amazing thing that He had planned for me.

My sister and I were visiting friends in Wyoming in May of 2005, and the church had planned a youth group activity. When we pulled in to the ranch, a young man came and helped me out of the vehicle. He had my chair put together, in the right way, and positioned in the correct place so I could transfer in to it. He proceeded to walk by me across the gravel parking lot, and expertly turn my chair and pull it up the steps into the building where we were meeting. Who was this guy? Most boys I had been interested in seemed to be only out to prove they could throw me in their truck with one arm. In complete contradiction, this guy knew how to help without being told, but still gave me my space and allowed me to be as independent as possible. I was amazed.

I quickly realized that we had met before. Russ' Dad, Kenny, has MS and has been in a wheelchair for many years. He was one of the first disabled individuals I had connected with after my accident, and he had let me drive his van with hand controls several years before, which was the first time I had driven since my injury. (On a side note, he told me he was taking me down some side, country roads. He proceeded to take me right down main street through the heart of town. I cried the whole time. Kenny laughed the whole time. I think we have it on video somewhere.) I had briefly been introduced to Russ the year before, but it was only in passing, and I didn't know much about him. We had actually met the day before my accident back in 1999 at a church softball game, but I didn't remember him. He says he remembered me because I was cute and I wasn't his cousin. :) (Most of the single girls in his youth group at the time were his cousins).

We spent a lot of time together that night, and I saw him again the next day while visiting Kenny, and again at church on Sunday. After the evening service, we (Russ and I, my sister, Russ' brother, and all of the cousins) all loaded up in Russ' new, beautiful pickup truck and headed to the pastor's (Preacher) house to hang out. Somehow Russ and I ended up on the back porch overlooking the river by ourselves, and the conversation took off. I found myself opening up to this guy about things I didn't share with just anyone, and he did the same. It was so comfortable, so right, that we didn't even notice how late it was getting.

Preacher popped his head out, and with a grin, suggested that Russ' brother take his truck to get the kids home, and then Russ and I could continue our visiting, and Russ would have his truck to go home later. Since I was staying at Preacher's, and was leaving with my sister in the morning to fly back to Indiana, this would be the last chance we had to talk. Preacher and his wife went to bed (although he told me later he had his window open in order to remain the proper chaperone :) ). I knew Russ had to be at work early the next morning, so we agreed we shouldn't stay up too late.

We talked on that back porch until 4:00 a.m. By the time Russ got home, he was able to sleep for a few hours before he had to get up for work. I was also up early for my flight, but strangely enough, I was running on pure adrenaline and excitement, and I didn't notice the exhaustion. We spent the next six months emailing, talking on the phone, and trying to visit each other every few months. We met each others families, continued to get to know each other, and started to talk about the future. And on a cold November night, at Kenny's house in Cody, Russ gave me a ring and asked me to marry him.

The next eight months went by in a whirlwind of wedding planning, my first year of graduate school, visits, letters, and dozens of nights falling asleep talking on the phone until the wee hours of the morning. It was amazing. I quickly discovered that Russ didn't love me in spite of my disability; he loved me because of it. The wheelchair was a huge part of who I was, and it had molded me into the woman he had proposed to. Russ had spent several years during college living with his Dad, and I firmly believed that period in his life was God's way of preparing him to be my husband. Although I was fiercely independent and could care for myself, the understanding, compassion, and servant's heart that had been cultivated during those years with Kenny were and continue to be some of the things that I love most about Russ.

We were married on July 29th, 2006. It was the best day of my life. Not just because of the ceremony and festivities, but because of what it represented. That day was a beautiful reminder of the love of God for His children, and of His joy to give them the desires of their heart. It spoke of His perfect timing, and the blessings we receive when we are patient and allow Him lead every aspect of our lives. It was a picture of waiting for His best for us.

Now, here we are, seven years later, and I couldn't be more thankful for Russ. He is my best friend, and a wonderful Daddy to Addison. Although he isn't perfect, and I'm certainly not perfect, we are perfect for each other. Through the good times and bad, I've learned so much about myself, about Russ, and about relationships in general, all of which I will share next week in Part 2 of Being a Wheeling Wife...

Dating

Engagement

Wedding

Being a Wheeling Momma (Part 3)

We celebrated Addison's third birthday Sunday, complete with a princess theme. I decided to make her cake this year, complete with homemade fondant. I was able to find an easy recipe online, and some really helpful cake tools at Walmart. I'm really happy with how it turned out and am looking forward to having fun with this new hobby in the future! I have a tradition of making her birthday dress every year as well, so this was this year's dress...

Looking forward to trying more elaborate cakes in the future...

So cute- but got sparkles everywhere!

I really can't believe my little girl is already three years old. After her birth, people warned me that time would pass quickly. Although the days seemed to drag until she was sleeping through the night, it has been a whirlwind since. I thought I would finish this three-part parenting series with some general thoughts and ideas about my experiences, and hopefully answer a few more questions that I often am asked.

First of all, in an earlier post, I had mentioned that one of the problems that I had during my pregnancy was the inability to gain weight. (Wish this was a recurring problem...) Although I wasn't really nauseous during those nine months, I did have a little trouble with my bowel program, so I always assumed that was the culprit of the weight loss. At my check-up the day before Addison was born, I weighed exactly what I did when I went in for my first appointment six months earlier. Addison was measuring small, but everything had always checked out with her development, so there wasn't ever any concern- it was just a little puzzling.

During the C-section, we soon discovered what the issue was. My pregnancy had triggered an over-stimulation of benign cysts in both of my ovaries. They were probably always there, but all of those fun hormones that come with baby growing had really wreaked havoc. I will attach a picture below. It's a little graphic, so if you are a queasy person when it comes to blood, scroll quickly! Ovaries are usually the size of walnuts. As you can see below, mine were slightly bigger...

Yes, those are my ovaries. They're not supposed to be the same size as my uterus...

Because my doctor knew that Russ and I planned on having more children, and because the ovaries themselves looked healthy except for their size, it was decided that they would be left alone until we could decide on a course of treatment.

We followed them via ultrasound, and for the first five months, they only caused me minor pain. I had an appointment with my OB/GYN in January, and he did a full exam. Since the ovaries hadn't shrunk, and there was a risk of them twisting and causing serious problems, he made plans to refer me to a specialist in Billings to seek further treatment options.

I woke up the next morning in a lot of pain, and I have a very high pain tolerance. I thought it was from the exam, but as the day went on the pain worsened, I got lightheaded and nauseous, and my temperature started to increase. Russ and I headed to the ER around 9:30 that evening, and after another ultrasound and some blood work, we left around 5:30 the next morning. We were able to get a few hours of sleep before heading to Billings, MT, to see Dr. Gibb, who is a gynecological oncologist. Even though they didn't think my cysts were cancerous, Dr. Gibb is the only specialist in a five-state region who handles this type of thing, so we were happy he was able to fit us in.

Long story short, after a long day of tests and exams, I was scheduled for a full abdominal hysterectomy the following Monday in Billings. The ovaries were taking over my abdomen, and the pain and risk of torsion/twisting was too great to leave them. Russ and I had prepared ourselves for this recommendation, and thankfully, the Lord had given us peace about it. We realize now how fortunate we were that Addison was conceived and delivered healthy, and that this abnormality would definitely threaten future pregnancies. I wasn't super excited about having this done at such a young age, but I would rather not have the threat of future problems hanging over my head as well.

The surgery went well, and they found that the ovaries were twisted, one three times around, which was what was causing the intense pain. Because of the amount of blood thinner I am on, surgery is a big deal, and has to be planned at least 3-4 days in advance in order to get my levels under control so that I don't bleed out during the procedure. So while I was under, they took out everything they possibly could to avoid having to go back in at a later date if I had more complications. I even teased the surgeon to check out any other expendable organs while he was in there, and if anything looked less than perfect, to just remove it! :)

We had always planned on having more children, but I guess the Lord, in His wisdom, know one child would be more than enough for us to handle! So to sum it up, when people ask if we are having more kids, the answer is no, unless God drops one in our laps! Since people in wheelchairs are not able to adopt internationally, and we never felt peace about actively seeking domestic adoption, we are happy in our current situation of a three-person family. Well, four if you count our dog, Shadrach. (And we do!)

I am continuing to learn more every day about parenting. Just when you think you finally have something figured out, the little boogers go and change everything on you. Here are a few of the things I have come to realize are essential to semi-sane parenting, whether you are in a wheelchair or not:

• Accept advice, good and bad, from those around you, but in the end, YOU are the one that will know your child best. Trust me, I nearly killed myself trying to follow every book, website, and whispered word of advice from other parents. No one will love your child like you do, no one will understand your child like you do, and no one will ever take better care of your child than you. God gave that specific blessing to you, knowing your every strength and weakness, and He never makes mistakes. So take a deep breath, smile pleasantly at the experts and their usual good intentions, and go rock out being the amazing parent you are.
•  Cut yourself some slack. No one is born knowing all of the answers to anything, especially not how to parent and care for a shrieking little banshee. Some days, I have to give myself this little pep talk every thirty minutes or so. As I mentioned earlier, you will never stop learning, so don't expect perfection from yourself or your child. ESPECIALLY not from your child. Especially.
• Keep a healthy sense of humor. One of my and Russ' favorite expressions is, "It's a good thing she's cute!" If we didn't laugh at some of the parenting obstacles we have faced, we would probably be in the loony bin somewhere rocking back and forth in the corner of our padded cell. Discipline is important, and some issues need to be taken seriously, but try to enjoy the journey. Don't get so wrapped up in the responsibility that you forget to have fun. It goes way too fast to miss enjoying it!
• Develop a support team. I am known for my independence, and have always prided myself in being able to do things on my own. This didn't change when I had Addison. Although I don't like to dwell on past regrets, if I could change one thing from early on, I would have reached out more. Confide in family/friends you trust that love you and have a decent track record of their own in the parenting field. And know that asking for help doesn't make you a bad parent- it makes you a better parent.
• Work out a schedule. I'm not saying you have to go all hard core Baby Wise every time, but God created us in His image, and He is a God of order, and I firmly believe He made our bodies to function best in a cyclic pattern. It may not work for everyone, but give yourself and your baby a chance to find out if this rhythm will work for you. 
• PRAY! I can't stress this last point enough. I don't know how Russ and I would have survived anything we've been through, including parenting, without the Lord's help, love, and guidance. He loves to teach His children how to be amazing parents.

I am obviously in no way claiming any sort of expertise in the subject of parenting, but I hope this series of blog posts had allowed you a glimpse into my life as a Wheeling Momma. As always, questions are welcome!

Next week- My Life as a Wheeling Wife!